


Temporary Deadness

by holdouttrout



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-19
Updated: 2007-02-02
Packaged: 2017-11-15 20:39:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/531452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holdouttrout/pseuds/holdouttrout
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p> Cameron already thought of a few zombie jokes.  I didn't quite get that far.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sam tries not to notice that her skin is already sloughing off on her forearms as they head back toward the ‘gate, or that Daniel keeps stealing looks of horrified fascination at her as he walks beside her.

How the hell is she supposed to explain this to Jack?

She can picture it now—Jack walking into the infirmary—because he will, inevitably be there to witness this, it’s a natural law—exclaiming over the grayed skin, the slightly rotting fingers, and inevitably coming up with the zombie jokes. Cameron’s already thought of a few. She can tell because he keeps giving her amused smirks.

It really isn’t funny, especially because it’s his fault she landed in this mess in the first place. _She_ knows not to touch the shiny alien artifact, eat gooey alien cake, nod and smile when Daniel points to her when he’s translating, or do any of the other countless things that can get unsuspecting off-worlders in trouble.

She frowns and promptly feels the ligaments holding her jaw to her skull give way.

She catches Teal’c giving her a look she’s learned means, “I’m inappropriately amused.” She should know; he gave her and Jack that same look for at least two years after the time on the planet where she and Jack were forced to strip and run through a field, naked, to celebrate their supposed “union.” That was the time she’d learned about the smiling and nodding thing.

When Cameron threw the rock at her and shouted, “Catch!” she’d reacted and grabbed it out of midair. Apparently she’d also activated it somehow, because there’d been some sort of light and when she’d come to, she’d been zombified.

The leader of the village had been extremely apologetic, bowing and scraping and telling them that it was really nothing to worry about, that a few day’s rest would take care of everything, the boys in the village routinely did this very thing and no one had ever ended up permanently disabled except for young Gregory, and that was only because he’d gone and jumped in front of a cart and ended up slicing his leg right off, just below the knee. 

It was alarming how reassuring Sam found that.

The thing Sam really isn’t looking forward to, besides the _endless_ medical tests, the confinement to base, the boredom of the isolation ward, and explaining the whole mess to Jack, is the fact that no one is ever going to let her forget this. People will send her stills from the Gateroom every year, and it will probably be one of those anecdotes that will grace every reunion, every original and modified SG-1 get-together, for the rest of her natural life.

They reach the ‘gate, and Daniel dials. Sam follows Daniel up the stone steps, but just before they step through Vala, who’d been remarkable silent the whole way back, taps her on the shoulder.

“You, ah…dropped this,” she says with no small measure of disquiet. She drops something into Sam’s palm. It’s an ear—her left one, to be precise. Daniel turns slightly green. Teal’c looks more stoic than before, and Sam suspects he is (successfully) hiding his own amusement. She hears a quiet snicker from Cameron.

On second thought, Cameron can explain it to Jack.  



	2. Timestamp scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **splash_the_cat** requested, for the timestamp meme, one hour after “Temporary Deadness.”

In the end, Sam took pity on Cameron and didn't mention the fact that she had been going to make him explain exactly why this was his fault.  
  
He was just as annoying as she'd feared, but just before he'd gotten to the really bad jokes, he'd shut up. Mysteriously.  
  
It might have been because it was then her eyebrow decided to jump ship and land on the table with just the barest hint of a thud.  
  
Cameron stopped talking. Teal'c started to raise his eyebrow, but thought better of it and remained stoic. Vala said, optimistically, "I'm sure that'll...grow back."  
  
Daniel, having gotten over his initial disquiet, laughed, but stopped at a very evil glare from Sam. She felt slightly happier knowing her face was undoubtedly much scarier with just one eyebrow.   
  
Hours later, after the physical was done, Sam sat down at her workbench in her lab and sighed. The phone rang, and she picked it up reluctantly.  
  
"Hello, Jack," she said.  
  
A pause.  
  
She said impatiently, "Come on, like it was hard to guess. Who called you? Daniel? Cam?"  
  
On the other end of the line, Jack cleared his throat. "Ah...Vala, actually."  
  
That was such a surprise.  
  
Sam sighed again. "Okay, tell me your joke."  
  
Another pause. "I don't think you're in the mood."  
  
"Just tell me, Jack. You won't be happy until you do."  
  
"Okay, okay. What do you call a 2,000 pound zombie?"  
  
Silence. Sam poked listlessly at a doohickey that she was pretty sure had been in her lab since the first year. She could definitely wait this one out. About ten seconds later, General Landry poked his head through the door.  
  
"Sir?" Sam asked.  
  
More silence on the line, then, "How did you know?" Jack asked, puzzled, just as Landry asked, "Is that Jack?"  
  
Sam said, reluctantly, "Yes, sir."  
  
Landry nodded. "You have my permission to kick his ass if he gives you too much trouble."  
  
Sam smiled.  
  
"I heard that."  
  
"Thank you, sir."  
  
Landry just nodded and headed back down the hallway.  
  
"You know, I remember you used to call me that."  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"That was before you were dead, though."  
  
"Ah, the good old days." Sam tossed the old doohickey into a bin behind her desk. She wasn't sure why, but she felt much better just getting it off her desk.  
  
"God, I miss going off-world."  
  
She considered the statement for a moment. She knew exactly what he meant. "It was Cam's fault."  
  
“Of course it was.”


End file.
